


Soma's Greatest Creation

by Diamond_Experience



Category: Extra Spicy Ramen, Fruit Gushers - Fandom, Pixie Sticks - Fandom, Ranch Dressing - Fandom, Vat19, 食戟のソーマ | Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diamond_Experience/pseuds/Diamond_Experience
Summary: Soma takes to the kitchen and creates his Magnum Opus, his finest creation, the one dish he will never be able to top, the dish which will finally grant Soma his father's approval.





	Soma's Greatest Creation

Soma Yukihira's eyes shone with absolute passion and confidence - the likes of which would even have made the proudest Emperor feel as small as an ant. As his grip tightened around the near-expired packet of extra spicy instant ramen, he smiled ecstatically as the vision of this glorious creation gradually formed a clearer image in his mind.

He brought a pot of water to a boil, and carefully placed his noodles and seasoning into the pot. With the largest grin ever seen, he broke up an entire bar of dark chocolate, and dumped it into the pot as well. Soma could barely hide the sheer glee he was feeling in that moment as he slowly stirred the pot in order for the chocolate to melt easily. When the chocolate had melted to his liking, he picked up a mouthful and had a taste.

"Disgusting!" yelled Soma, absolutely reveling in his new achievement, "But, I can do better." continued Soma, his smile widening even further as he turned his head to a mysterious box which stood proudly on the table near the stove. A friend who had taken a trip to America recently sent Soma a box of Genuine American Snacks and Other Things™, among which was a packet Vat19 Burn or Bliss Chocolates™, which was where Soma drew inspiration for his extra-spicy chocolate ramen. His eyes drifted around the box, searching for something which could improve even further on the abomination which had already caused Shoji Sato and Daigo Aoki to stop arguing mid-sentence and peer into the kitchen with wrinkled noses. 

"Aha!" he exclaimed, reaching in to grab a bottle filled with a mysterious white sauce. The label read- RANCH DRESSING.

With utter glee, Soma wasted no time in squeezing half of the entire bottle of white goop into the boiling pot of Spicy Chocolate Ramen. Upon contact, the entire concoction gave off an entirely new aro-, no, odor. Again, he gently brought everything together, giving the Spicy Chocolate Ranch Ramen a disturbing, disgusting, dishonorable, distasteful, disgraceful shade of whitish-brown to the substance inside the pot. Examining it closer now, Soma concluded that besides the smell and taste, something else was off. The consistency of the soup!

The "soup" was no longer a liquid like it was meant to be, it had attained an awkward state of "halfway-between-viscous-and-liquideous". Soma decided that since the water level would only get lower with time, he would thicken the "soup", making it more akin to a pasta sauce. He let out a maniacal, hearty laugh as he imagined how the Italian boy who proclaimed himself to be Soma's rival, Takumi Aldini, would react to him calling this monstrosity a pasta dish. His eyes drifted back in the direction of the box, looking for something that would thicken up his sauce.

Suddenly, like an eagle high in the skies spotting a dormouse in an open field down below, Soma lunged at what appeared to be a tube of powder. He read the label - PIXIE STICKS. A candy made of dextrose, citric acid and a whole bunch of other chemicals Soma did not care for at that time. He cracked open an entire fistful of tubes, dumping all the powder into his "pasta dish", hoping the powder would act like flour and thicken up his "sauce".

With utter gusto and pride, Soma tossed the ramen in its "sauce" as though he were tossing handmade pasta cooked to a perfect al dente in a rich, creamy alfredo sauce, coating every single noodle evenly with its absolutely cursed sauce.

As Soma plated up this wonderful, awful display of his culinary prowess, he realized something - he needed something to garnish his dish with. Turning his gaze towards The Box one last time, he grabbed a bag of Cheetos Puffs, and grated one whole piece onto his Spicy Chocolate Pixie Stick Ranch Ramen as though he were grating on the most refined and well-aged Parmigiano Reggiano. To top everything off, he placed a single green Fruit Gusher onto the middle of the pile of noodles and sauce, as though it was a fresh, garden-grown sprig of parsley.

With an evil gleam in both his eyes, he turned towards the hallway where the entire dorm had gathered, trying to find the source of that god-awful smell.

"Who wants a taste?"


End file.
